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Recently, I lost a friendship, but learned two very important lessons:

1. Friends Tell Us What We Want To Hear

The conflict between my former friend and I was very clear, and we each took a side. To be sure I wasn’t acting crazy, I asked some of my closest friends what they thought of the situation. Each 100 percent agreed with my stance. Yet, during our argument, this person said that her circle of friends had completely agreed with her too.

In that moment, I had a revelation: friends—for the most part—tell you what you want to hear. I’m guilty of it. I can pretty much argue any side of any point to land on my friend’s side. That’s both awesome and not. I think that maybe I’d prefer the truth and only the truth. But this led me to my second revelation...

2. There Is No Single Truth

Perspectives are all truths, just approached differently. This woman kept saying that I’d broken a “girl code,” which was beyond ironic because I’d accused another woman recently of the same thing. (Cf course! The Universe can be so literal.) But this was not the girl code, this was her girl code (and mine, respectively). Our codes of conduct were entirely different.

We assume that our feelings and understandings are universal, but they’re not. Rather, it's a combination—of our upbringings, parents’ views projected upon us, life experiences to date, views of the media and those around us—that shapes what we deem right and wrong.

Ultimately, this friendship was ready to pass, but, from it, deep lessons rooted within me.

In your next disagreement, try and find the new step or lesson begging to be applied to your life. It will help ease the pain when the relationship shifts or expires.

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